cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
