Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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