In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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