those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
don't judge my taste in strippers
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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