i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
