I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
