Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My vagina just clenched in fear
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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