He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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