Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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