Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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