I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We need to get me chipped asap
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
