I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
