I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
