Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
