i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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