why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
and she was petting her beer can
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
