upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
