conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Did I show you my penis last night?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
