Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Every concussion has its silver lining
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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