we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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