Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
