I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
