It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
