I cannot find my penis.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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