If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
