I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
