I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize