Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize