Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
How external is "for external use only"?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
