i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Your penis caused this!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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