we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
