girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
ok first of all what the fuck
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
