$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
