p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
