If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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