Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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