The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You are the jesus of drinking
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
