So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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