also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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