Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
