U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
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