You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
