I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
