happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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