I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You brought string cheese to the strip club
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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