How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
