She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
