everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
