The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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