I think I won the penis lottery.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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