I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
