gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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