Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
