I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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