spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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