I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
