$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
