You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
