Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Randomize