Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
i need some magic done to my vagina
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
