Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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