I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
